want to have money without having money want to go to stores and get things because you want them then use my Horton card it’s reliable it’s no fuss it’s a fancy plastic IOU card that will have you swimming in debt for the rest of your and your offsprings life and to make sure you feel comfortable with spending money you don’t have we’ll use this comedian to make you feel like it’s no big thing I’m from that TV show that’s doing reasonably well so I’ve got a sense of humor about spending money on stuff I don’t need just charge my card buddy whatever it doesn’t really matter to me because I’m mostly excited to get cash back relatable now why use gross paper covered with pictures of dead guys when you can use my square piece of dinosaur carcass with numbers on it in fact nowadays you have to have a square of recycled soda bottle because how else would you even be able to purchase your online subscription to watching what used to be free or paying for an expensive education that won’t lead to a job really any financial milestone that’s right to get a roof over your head you need to earn credit which is really just showing you own a little square that you have to pay off continually somehow that’s what makes you trustworthy and shows you’re good with money we’ve made it impossible to live without our plastic numbers Swiper we’re putting chips in some of them nob look at that it’s kind of a pain in the ass also a pain in the ass you can’t even use these everywhere you can use it in some places that pay me to accept your card otherwise you can just use money which is what people who are taking your money would prefer I’m an expensive middleman who’s charging everyone extra for using my plastic cutout also you’ll probably need a different swipe e Swiper when my card doesn’t work at one place where another one does work is it harder to keep track of how much you’re spending when you don’t physically see the presidentially decorated paper strips leaving your hands we’re counting on it especially when we encourage you to go paper we’ll say it’s for the environment but it’s really because we know if we send you emails if the charges you made you’ll only skim the email if you’re reading them at all here’s where it gets fun for me and exclusively no one else we made it so the longer it takes for you to be able to pay us back on time the more money you’ll rack up an interest and the harder it’ll be to pay off and doesn’t that sound like it should be illegal it’s not it’s interest interest is a random percentage we charge you because you made charges this is going to get pretty technical and pretty crimey so let’s look at a graph if you’re the average American credit card holder then you owe more than $10,000 in debt let’s say your interest rate is twenty four point nine nine percent and you’re paying off just the minimum because times are tough or you know because times are normal that means it in ten years you’ll have paid more than twenty six thousand dollars and still owe over eleven thousand dollars more and that’s just ten years after fifty years you’ll have paid a hundred sixty five thousand seven hundred twenty nine and still owe more than seventeen thousand so you will always owe me money but the more you use our card the more worthless things will give you all right yes let’s hear it first stuff or even better than stuff cash back which is just a tiny portion of money that you used to pay off the debt but of course you’ll never see actual money the more you charge the more cash back we’d give you it’s like you’re digging a hole and we throw in a handful of dirt to help you get out of the hole but only after you dig five feet deeper if you’re worried you might not be able to pay off this credit card will encourage you to get another card to pay off that one and then another to pay off that one the more credit cards the more you have to pay and the more you owe us it’s literally the same apparatus as a Ponzi scheme but we tell you about it with a 300-page tiny printed booklet that you won’t read so get yourself a Horten card credit card go ahead and swipe it through machines till you owe us billions Oh was that too harsh oh here hey laughing machine make the people feel better with your jokey words hey so you guys ever notice how a Katy Katy Perry is you feel better already right Katy Perry’s basically just Zoe ditional but gasps ears I’m Roger by the way [Music] hey guys thanks for watching if you like the video click like and if you want to subscribe you should because then you get to watch more videos from cracked and if you want some more great jokes then just I’ve

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